Can’t I even just BE tired?

I’m sorry today’s post isn’t going to be very positive.

I’m tired. I’m soooooooooo tired.

Of everything. Including feeling bad about being tired.

And feeling like I have to put on a smile when I don’t really want to but, feel like I have to.

I feel bad and guilty for feeling this way because so many other people have it so much worst than me but I feel like something is missing within me.

I miss “me” time.

I miss “alone” time.

Time to be quiet and think. Or not.

I feel suffocated and claustrophobic.

I have always been the kind of person who has treasured “alone” time. I have NO problem spending time by myself. (even when I was little) Those moments are gone. And I miss them. And I feel like I need them. Because I feel like I’m losing my mind.

That makes me feel awful and guilty.

It makes me feel like a bad wife and a bad mother.

I don’t want to sound ungrateful. I’m so fortunate and happy (most of the time) to have Lily and Will in my life.

I just really miss “me” time.

“Me” time to be creative. “Me” time to rest. “Me” time to recharge myself so then I can fully give. (to Will and Lily most importantly)

Lately I feel like I’m just here. I’m just going through the motions.

Even though I love being this person:

me, Will and Lily

Lately I’ve been really missing this person:

April 2007.

I just realized that my hair changed to suit the times.

It used to be wild and crazy (I lost all my curls after giving birth) and now it’s stationary and boring. (maybe a little edgy at best)

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