Struggling…

You would think that after 1.5 years I would be well settled into motherhood but, I still struggle.

I struggle with the fact that being a wife and a mother is the only thing that seems to define me these days.

Please don’t get me wrong, they are both wonderful things and I am both but I also used to be more.

I still struggle with the fact that I don’t make an income and I am financially dependent on Will.

I struggle with the fact that I don’t find time to be creative and paint like I used to.

I struggle with the fact at the end of the day I am exhausted and there is nothing left within me.

I struggle!

Because I struggle, I get all emotionally worked up and overwhelmed so, this weekend I took a break from both Will and Lily.

On both saturday and sunday while Will and Lily were out and about, I sat home and thought about why I struggle so much and what I can do to change that.

Trying to find balance in it all is the key and is something that I will have to work harder on.

This is what “they” mean when “they” say that you can’t be selfish in parenting.

Lily comes first and that’s the way it should be.

But, in order for me to be able to give her my all, I have to feel my all.

Lately, I haven’t been feeling my all.