Harsh realizations
Two sundays ago Will, Lily and I were in the car getting ready to drive away to go look at this house once more with our friend and realtor Beth when the phone rang.
It was Beth letting us know to not bother because the house was under contract as of the day before.
After Will hung up the phone, a harsh realization hit me like a truck coming at me at 250mph.
We are not financially ready to buy a house.
As much as we want a house, need a house and dream of a house, we are what seems a long way away from a house.
Reality is harsh sometimes (this one in particular) but our reality is this 1 bedroom apartment.
What stresses me the most however is #2, as in another baby.
I will be 39 this december, almost 40, and I don’t necessarily want to have children after 40.
Time is ticking fast for me.
As much as I want to have another baby, I’m hesitant to get pregnant because I don’t think I can have another person in this 1 bedroom apartment.
Sure I could be pregnant here in the meanwhile but, would the fact that we are still here make me a stress case while pregnant? (I’m already a stress case about it sometimes)
I had a very stress free pregnancy with Lily and I would want to give the second baby the same thing right from the beginning.
I often question if love and family will conquer all and if we should just go for it. The romantic in me likes to think so.
Will and I were planning on getting pregnant again by the end of this year, just like we were planning on having a house by the end of this year.
None of which are likely to happen.
They are both harsh realizations, harsh enough to make us both lose sleep at night lately.
august 2009, easier days
alliehallmarr
July 19, 2011 @ 5:53 pm
🙁 This has got to be the most stressful situation ever, I am so sorry! Hopefully this just means that something perfect is headed your way, a solution to both of your worries that will just make so much sense once it arrives. Hang in there, I’ll be thinking of you three <3
Claudia
July 20, 2011 @ 11:13 am
@Allie,
thanks Allie. nice to “see” you! 🙂
Mallory
July 19, 2011 @ 5:57 pm
So often I question the same thing….if love and family will conquer all. I haven’t come to any sort of conclusion, because I too struggle daily on how the hell to make our lives ‘work’ the way we want it too. But, as hard as it may be to stay focused on love and family through these harsh realizations, I think that as long as you have these two amazing things in your life, you will make it work. You will fight for it, and you will figure it out.
Claudia
July 20, 2011 @ 11:12 am
@Mallory,
it is easier to figure it out with loved ones. 🙂
angie
July 19, 2011 @ 7:47 pm
EVERYTHING WILL WORK OUT!!! If it is a second child that you want then don’t hesitate… It will only leave you with huge regrets later… as far as not being ready to buy a house…. sadly most people aren’t… things will work out for the three (or four) of you. just have a little faith!! 🙂
Claudia
July 20, 2011 @ 11:11 am
@Angie,
i hate regrets and don’t want them. i know, everything always works out doesn’t it? but in the meanwhile i hate feeling stuck. xo
ellen @ black & white & loved all over
July 20, 2011 @ 12:53 am
Bless you Claudia! I’m sure it’s so difficult but I feel like you guys have been so enterprising with your current situation — rearranging the apartment and all — that you’ll be able to work something out. As for having another baby, I heard once that every baby is born with a loaf of bread under his/her crib. Meaning: babies seem to have a way of becoming affordable. You guys make beautiful babies. Here’s hoping for another one one day soon. 🙂
Claudia
July 20, 2011 @ 11:10 am
@Ellen,
thank you for your sweet words Ellen. 🙂