Thoughts on balance

Last week was a tough week for me.

Do any of you ever feel like not wanting to be a mom for the day?

Last week was like that for me. Every day.

For the past two years, day after day I find myself taking Lily here and there, playing with and teaching her, changing diapers, fixing this meal and that meal, washing dishes, doing laundry, fixing up and cleaning the house… before I know it, it’s 7:30pm, she is in bed and I am exhausted and completely drained to want to do anything.

Then every now and again, I get myself in a dark, depressed hole because I have not had time to paint, to stretch, to go for a walk, to watch a movie, to catch my breath.

Will seems to think that “1) you haven’t come to grips with the changes in your life (although you’ve been doing much better) and 2) because of that you don’t feel comfortable moving forward, because you’re concerned about where you are now”. Something to think about.

Lily is two years old and I still feel like I can’t find balance.

Some women can balance kids, careers, themselves all at once. I have not been able to and it’s one of my greatest struggles.

We are starting to talk about and plan for another baby and to tell you the truth, it’s freaking me out.

How will I find balance with 2 when I can’t even find balance with 1?

If there is already lack of space and time with 1 how will it be with 2?

There are days when I think I can’t be a mother to 2 because there are days I don’t even want to be a mother to 1.

All of this was coming from the urge of me wanting to paint and do art and not being able to. I want to paint and create and I can’t.

But, that was last week. This week is a new week. I feel better and I have a better attitude about things.

I will try to do some art this week. Some how.

What I would like to say to those of you who have family near by that help out with your children is: be thankful and count your lucky stars.

I would love for some grand parent, aunt, cousin, magic fairy to come and take Lily for a few hours a week.