Last week was a tough week for me.
Do any of you ever feel like not wanting to be a mom for the day?
Last week was like that for me. Every day.
For the past two years, day after day I find myself taking Lily here and there, playing with and teaching her, changing diapers, fixing this meal and that meal, washing dishes, doing laundry, fixing up and cleaning the house… before I know it, it’s 7:30pm, she is in bed and I am exhausted and completely drained to want to do anything.
Then every now and again, I get myself in a dark, depressed hole because I have not had time to paint, to stretch, to go for a walk, to watch a movie, to catch my breath.
Will seems to think that “1) you haven’t come to grips with the changes in your life (although you’ve been doing much better) and 2) because of that you don’t feel comfortable moving forward, because you’re concerned about where you are now”. Something to think about.
Lily is two years old and I still feel like I can’t find balance.
Some women can balance kids, careers, themselves all at once. I have not been able to and it’s one of my greatest struggles.
We are starting to talk about and plan for another baby and to tell you the truth, it’s freaking me out.
How will I find balance with 2 when I can’t even find balance with 1?
If there is already lack of space and time with 1 how will it be with 2?
There are days when I think I can’t be a mother to 2 because there are days I don’t even want to be a mother to 1.
All of this was coming from the urge of me wanting to paint and do art and not being able to. I want to paint and create and I can’t.
But, that was last week. This week is a new week. I feel better and I have a better attitude about things.
I will try to do some art this week. Some how.
What I would like to say to those of you who have family near by that help out with your children is: be thankful and count your lucky stars.
I would love for some grand parent, aunt, cousin, magic fairy to come and take Lily for a few hours a week.
Thanks for the honest post. You are not alone. Can you get Lily in a Mother’s Day Out program to give you some you time and space?
@Ellen,
there are no mother’s day out programs here where we live. daycare is crazy expensive. we will see. thanks Ellen!
When my twins were born, my husband and I lived 3000 miles away from all of our family and friends. We couldn’t afford to pay for help, so we ultimately had to move closer to free help. And we *still* struggle some with this same problem. It is hard to make space to be a whole person when you spend 24 hours a day, seven days a week taking care of little people. We initially planned for my husband to stay at home with the boys, and me to work full time. That only lasted three months, because my husband became so depressed. Then we both worked full time, and put the kids in daycare. That didn’t work either; we couldn’t afford day care and we were still exhausted. Finally, we moved close to family, he worked full time and I stayed at home. That worked better, but after about 16 months I started to get really depressed and frustrated. I was alone on a mountain with two tiny kids and no car for way too long. In the end, we had to find ways for me to have regular, scheduled me time. There were a lot of logistical barriers, since we couldn’t afford a second car and live in a really rural area. Plus, we had to make sure that my husband didn’t get overwhelmed again. Right now, we put the kids in day care one day a week so I can work, and my husband also watches them alone for a couple of hours two or three times per week so I can exercise. This has really, really helped me. I still handle one evening per week totally alone so that he can exercise, and spend some quiet time at a coffee shop. Of course, we also have the outlet of grandparents from time to time — and we’re grateful!!!! But there are still days when it is hard to be trapped at home with the little guys, particularly in the cold weather.
I guess what I’m saying is this: Everyone struggles with this issue. The only solution I know of is scheduling some time of your own. It’s difficult logistically and financially. And you’ll probably feel guilty about it sometimes. But it’s absolutely critical to being a happy person and a good parent.
@Hanna,
everyone one does struggle with this issue, right? i think you are right about scheduling. it’s all a matter of making time and taking turns with your partner.
sounds like you guys got a good thing going even though it’s still hard.
hang in there and good luck to you guys!
I hear ya! My husband and I do not have family that live close by (even if they did, I’m not sure they would watch my daughter). For a while I felt really out of sorts and even found myself jealous of you when I read that you were able to go out with your friends on some evenings (my daughter still breastfeeds and doesn’t sleep well throughout the night)! I too go through ups and downs and wonder where I went. I hope you feel better soon.
@Spencer,
i was a prisoner to Lily almost the whole year of her life. she breast fed until she was 13 months old. she never took a bottle. only breast. it did get easier once she fed less during the night but for the first year, i was with her almost ALL of the time.
as you can see, it does get easier and once they are done breast feeding, you do have more freedom.
motherhood is the hardest thing i have ever done. i never thought that i would question where i had gone just because of motherhood but i do.
i think time is the only thing that will help.
hang in there Spencer!
Oh, C, I totally, completely, 100% relate. I’m dying to have a big family, but am absolutely terrified of baby number 2. I don’t know how I’ll manage the sleeplessness again, how I’ll balance my needs plus my daughter’s plus adding a hypothetical infant into the mix. Not to mention living an ocean and a continent away from family and friends. Last year I started Stella in daycare about 8h / week, and that has made a huge difference in my quality of life. I may also look at starting a babysitting swap with a friend who has a girl the same age as S. I’m hoping to scrape together some more time so that I can focus on getting this writing career off the ground. Good luck to you and full steam ahead with your new positive outlook!
@Erica,
i can’t even imagine how you do it being in japan so far away from everything. i will have to look into some daycare program for just a few hours a week but they are strict with weekly hours and so expensive! good luck to you.
http://www.ted.com/talks/rufus_griscom_alisa_volkman_let_s_talk_parenting_taboos.html
Yes, there are days I would like a mommy day off. I think the older they get, the easier it is to find that time. Since I home school Lily the mommy days are almost never
But, I try to at least have my once a month crafting day with my friends.
For me having another child was just not in my future. Lily was a very sick baby/toddler and I just couldn’t imagine having to take care of another child. My body finally gave out from being exhausted and I had a very ugly anxiety attack
It’s okay to be a little selfish at times. I sadly had to learn the hard way, but I feel happier than ever!!! You will find the balance…I promise
Hugs
@Yoly,
it’s true, the older they get, the more independent they get. there is hope.