If I could say some last words

My dear uncle who battled with lung cancer this past year passed away yesterday.

If I could say some last words to my uncle they would be I’m sorry. I’m sorry and I love you.

I’m sorry I didn’t keep in touch like I should have and upset him by doing so in the last years of his life.

It wasn’t right but, it’s the way it was.

All he and my aunt ever wanted was a letter every now and again and I didn’t do it.

It’s not that I never missed them, thought about them or didn’t care about them. It’s just that in order for me to go on with my life here in this country so far away from my family it’s how I chose to deal with things. By staying distant.

I have not known my uncle for quite some time but the love I had for him as a young girl remains. It always will.

My uncle was a hard working, smart, witty man. He loved all good things in life. Good wine, good food, good company, good chocolate, good watches. He appreciated the finer things in life.

As a young girl I remember having such admiration for him. He was a collector of many things. I always admired his passion for everything he did.

He wasn’t ready and he fought hard not to but he is gone now.

My heart goes out to my aunt who lost her husband and so many other loved ones to cancer. (fuck you cancer i fucking hate you!)

My heart goes out to my mom and her sisters who lost their only brother.

My heart goes out to my cousins who lost their father.

I wish I could be with my family in Portugal.

I love you tio Antonio Carlos. I love you and I’m sorry.

  my cousin Lena, my uncle and I