the saddest goodbye
as i took a shower yesterday while listening to the Neko Case pandora station, a certain song about goodbyes came on and before i knew it i was sobbing uncontrollably
as the song played and i sobbed, i realized that i’m awful at goodbyes
and then it triggered
all of the sudden i remembered the saddest goodbye
i was ten, my brother was two and my mom would soon be leaving us with family in portugal while she made the journey to the states (where she would join my dad) to come work and find better opportunities
she was supposed to wake me in the morning before she left so we could say goodbye but she never did
that morning when i woke, my mother was already gone and there was a letter by my side
the letter said everything you would imagine a mother would say to her ten year old daughter who she would not see for a while
that she didn’t wake me because she couldn’t bare say goodbye, that i would always be her little princess, for me to be good, to study, to take good care of my little brother, that she would miss us terribly and that we would be reunited soon
that same day my brother left with my aunt who i would soon go live with also but because i had to finish school, i couldn’t go right away
i lost everything in my ten year old world that day
for many nights to follow i slept with that letter and hoped that the day when i would see my mom again would soon come
i was soon reunited with my brother but we weren’t so soon reunited with my mom (or dad)
because of life and all its fortunes and misfortunes, it was almost four years when we were all reunited again
it was the saddest and longest goodbye and a day (and almost four years) that i try hard to forget but every once in a while it creeps up on me
(if my mom is reading this, i would like her to know that this is no reflection on the kind of mother she is. she has always tried to make the best decisions and worked her hardest and for that i love, admire and respect her so. she just gave me goodbye phobia. that’s all)
Eri
May 24, 2012 @ 12:49 pm
God! I imagine how hard it was then, but fortunately it was just a temporary goodbye and not a final, it’s amazing the strength of all mothers to bring up their kids and the power they have to face adversity.
regards !
Claudia
May 25, 2012 @ 1:55 pm
@Eri,
yes, thankfully it was only temporary. hope you have a great weekend Eri!
Deanna sacco bougher
May 24, 2012 @ 9:26 pm
Your a great storyteller, you had my eyes tearing up!You gave me a good idea. I’ll in box you.
Claudia
May 25, 2012 @ 1:54 pm
@Deanna,
ugh, thanks girl. i always think i’m an awful story teller and have the hardest time writing. ok, inbox me. xo
Yoly
May 24, 2012 @ 10:17 pm
It’s amazing how children could be so strong in difficult situations. I applaud you and your brother for being so strong, but most of all your mother for even with a broken heart she wanted a better life for her children.
I had a similar experience, but at the age of twelve. My mom left for the summer and I was left with a couple of strands of hairs she threw before she left. I only told her about this recently and her eyes filled up with tears.
Claudia
May 25, 2012 @ 1:52 pm
@Yoly,
it was so hard. for all of us. i’m starting to think we are the same person on different coasts….. have a great weekend my friend! xo
ana
May 25, 2012 @ 1:51 pm
Gosto muito de ti….
Claudia
May 25, 2012 @ 1:58 pm
@Ana,
e eu de ti linda. e eu de ti. beijinhos e saudades. vamos ai em setembro para o baptizado do Ricardinho. xoxo
Cindy
May 28, 2012 @ 1:42 am
What a sad story, but one that tells of strength and a happy ending! Precious photo you have from when you’re young.
Claudia
May 28, 2012 @ 11:42 am
@Cindy,
thank you Cindy. yes, tough times for all of us.
Sara Kaplan
May 29, 2012 @ 10:47 pm
You are an extraordinary woman. Made me cry.
Claudia
May 30, 2012 @ 1:06 am
@Sara,
thank you mama. xoxo