out and about and some thoughts

do you see any similarities to the picture above? Lily picked out all her accessories

i was showered, dressed and on my way out the door by ten yesterday morning

i know that ten is late for most of you but, i’m not usually out by that time these days

Will dropped Lily off at school before nine and i decided to run some errands sans Lily

it worked out perfect since those errands were mostly for her birthday coming up

i got home a few minutes before they did, we all had lunch together, Will left back to work, Lily and i made some more cards for her birthday invites (yes, we are making all the invites) and then we got on the bike and rode to the park where we spent the rest of the afternoon

i realized once we were at the park that ever since we moved into this yellow house in this new (to us) neighborhood that i haven’t ventured out as much

when we were living on the beach we were always doing something. always out and about

i’m not sure if we are home more now because we have so much more room and it doesn’t feel like we have to be out or if i am a bit intimidated by a new place and lost a bit of my sense of adventure

maybe a bit of both…

i was comfortable at the beach. i knew the beach

it was my home for ten years and even though it is small, it felt big

this place IS big

and even though there are definitely things to do, i am not quite certain what and it sort of freaks me out to just be randomly riding around with Lily cause….

what if something happened?

this of course terrifies me even more because this is not what i want to teach Lily

i don’t want her to learn fear of adventure but to learn sense of adventure

as a mother i have learned to push myself more and more just for Lily

to try to not show fear of flying when i’m terrified. to talk and talk when sometimes (and most of the time) i would just much prefer to be quiet. to go swimming in a freezing west virginia river when i would rather be sitting on a rock. to go on a zip line at the park when i would rather not

jeez the things she makes me do…

i have been playing it safe for a long time

i mean, i used to be the girl who would get in her car and just go

go wherever the road took me

now i won’t even get in a car (i don’t drive. surprise!)

have i become scared? have i lost my sense of adventure?

is this what they call growing up?

something happened…