unfortunate times and forgiveness

last month, the day i became a godmother, i came face to face with a ghost from my past

someone who i have considered dead to me and shut out of my life for over twenty years

my father’s sister, my aunt who i lived with for three years (do you remember this post?)

the picture above (1987), from around the time my mom came to get my brother and i was probably the last time i saw my aunt until last month

i found myself sitting across the table from her during the party after the baptism

she kept looking at me and smiling and i kept trying to ignore her

until i started feeling terribly rude and not like myself

as i sat there trying to enjoy myself, my food and the special day, there was an inner struggle within me and the fourteen year old girl inside me was boiling up

i got up, walked towards her and said hello

immediate tears came rolling down her face

she held my hand apologized time and time again and said that those were “unfortunate times” for me

she told me that she did the best she could do and the best she knew how

“unfortunate times” i kept thinking while she apologized

we all have and have had unfortunate times…

compared to all the fortunate times i have had since then, those times were really nothing

i kissed her and i forgave her

we are not super humans

we can only try to do the best we can and know how and unfortunately that may not be enough for someone else

at that time she had two kids of her own around the same age as me. i’m sure she had her own personal struggles

although she was part of my “unfortunate times”, she did not choose those for me

for over twenty years i have been angry about those unfortunate times and directed my anger towards her

it felt good to forgive her

forgive her and myself

the angry fourteen year old girl no longer lives inside me now

forgiving brings forgiveness

and you never know when you might need some of that…

happy monday everyone. hope it’s an enlightened one