elsewhere

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luanda (angola) – beja (portugal)

beja – loule

loule – estremoz

estremoz – hohokus (nj)

hohokus – bernardsville

bernardsville – san diego (ca)

in san diego i moved apartments three times

san diego – hasbrouck heights (nj)

hasbrouck heights – ridgewood (nj)

in ridgewood i moved apartments three times

ridgewood – miami (fl)

miami – hoboken (nj)

hoboken – miami

ever since i was a child, i have moved around a lot

my parents were movers which then turned me into a mover

not putting fault on anyone, it’s just the way it was

even though i have moved around a lot, the one thing i want the most is to root myself somewhere (since Lily was born, more than ever)

but where?

i have now lived in miami for a little over ten years

that is a record for me

and yet, there are still times (most of the time) when i feel like miami is not the place where i should be rooting

this idea of elsewhere is forever in mind (so much for home is where the heart is)

the search for this ideal elsewhere is not only exhausting but it has put enormous pressure and strain on previous relationships

i have in the past dragged a boyfriend and an ex-husband all over the place (not at the same time obviously)

only to find myself unhappy once we arrived at the destination

with a family, i can no longer just make hasty decisions, pack up a car (yes i used to do that) and move across the country

there are now two other people to think about other than just myself

needless to say on here (because i bitch about it all the time) miami’s hot weather is the number one factor i dream of elsewhere

i find myself complaining constantly about it

you may think that weather is a funny reason to want to move from such a beautiful place like miami but, the heat all year long seriously puts me in the worst of moods making it impossible to live with me at times (yes you should be feeling bad for Will right about now)

i’m not really sure where this post is going

i guess i just wanted to explain why i have moving on the brain again

i know there are no perfect places

but, i am looking for the perfect place for me

a place where i can have the windows in the house open for months on end and a cool breeze will actually come in

a place where there are other trees other than palm trees

a place where there are seasons (i know that almost doesn’t exist anywhere nowadays)

it is only january, some of you have a long way to summer and hot weather but, i’m already starting to have panic attacks about it

it has been a consistent 78/80 degrees here for months now and summer for us is just around the corner (panic attack)

the only ideal thing about miami for me these days is the wonderful friends/family and support group we have here

which is not to be devalued in any way

it is the reason we have decided to stay in miami many times

if/when (whatever) we were ever to move from miami, we would miss our friends like crazy and it would just suck big time having to meet new people and make new friends (i don’t really like doing that believe it or not. i like the friends i have)

for now we have decided to stay here a bit longer (again)

we have this great house, Lily loves the school she goes to (totally important), we love our friends and Will is totally focusing on his business which thankfully is going well

so…. if i seem absent minded and don’t want to really go anywhere or do anything, is because in my head, i am already elsewhere