around here. the d word

November 12 2013 047

last saturday, after having already cried in the car to Will over the death of Frida Kahlo the day before, Lily picked up a Frida magnet off of our fridge and once again began talking about Frida being dead

“Frida died right mama?”

yes, Lily

“when am i going to die? i don’t want to die!!”

as my eyes filled up with tears and my throat with the biggest lump, i bent down, hugged her and tried to explain that everything and everyone in life has its turn

and that eventually, everything and everyone will die

tears on both of our faces came rolling down

we hugged tighter

we cried

we told each other we loved each other

we hugged even tighter

i explained to Lily that even though Frida died, because she left so much art behind for all of us, she is somehow very much still alive

as a parent, the last thing i want to think about is my child dieing

those two words together shouldn’t even be in the same sentence

i think i have written on here before how i am not good with death

i know it is a part of life, i know it will happen, i think about it often, it is truly something that almost kept me from having children…

i am not the kind of person who can talk about planning for such things as a will and what not

the thought of not having my mom around, or my brother, or Will’s parents

the thought of me not being around to watch Lily grow…

none of these are thoughts i want to think about out loud although i think about them often in my own head

when i heard Lily ask me when she was going to die all i could think was: hopefully never

let me breathe…

but Lily is talking about death quite often lately

and it takes me there even more than my crazy head takes me there

all i want her to remember is what i try to remember

death is a good reminder to live

to live life to its fullest

to celebrate life

and to love and celebrate your loved ones

on that note, happy friday friends

wishing you all a happy/full weekend

November 12 2013 088

mermaid hair

November 08 2013 011

morning light

November 11 2013 002

shady canine

November 11 2013 014

a barbecue

November 11 2013 028

overnight guests

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tiger love

November 13 2013 001

early stormy morning

November 13 2013 003

breakfast al fresco

November 13 2013 005

rockstar headband

November 14 2013 005

harajuku thursday

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this girl is a good morning person

November 14 2013 019

wine o’clock

November 14 2013 032