i have no idea how to begin this post other than to just go right ahead and write about how i have been feeling in an organized, random manner
i feel like everybody is fucking dying
ever since we moved here in october, there have been so many deaths around us
soon after we got here, Will’s mom’s sister passed away
soon after that, the newly widowed uncle’s brother passed away
influential and well loved rockstars passed away
Will’s father’s sister passed away
and then last week, on my way home from running errands, i couldn’t even drive through our street because it was filled with ambulances and police cars
a neighbor passed away
is this it?
am i at the age where this is the norm?
this other part of life?
it’s fucking depressing and bringing me down
death and the fact that maybe i have been the one who has had the hardest time adjusting to our move
i was mostly worried about Will and Lily but maybe i should have been a little worried about myself?
i miss my people
sure our new neighbors here are wonderful and we are super lucky to have landed in a great neighborhood but, where are my people?
where are the people that have known me for a long time?
where are the people that take away the mundane every day feeling of motherhood and wifehood?
i feel like all the fun is long gone and lost
and it makes me feel old
the oldest i have felt ever
with new to me skin and stomach issues, i too feel like i’m fucking dying
all the time
all the time i think i’m fucking dying
and there are no distractions from it
everyday just the same thing
over and over again
only to be repeated again the next day
and the next week
i miss cocktails shared with loved ones and laughter
i miss laughter
this is the most honest post i have written in a long time
i usually try to keep this space less personal and more positive but i just had to keep it really real today
and it’s when i do, that some of you who are usually quiet viewers on here, voice your own personal thoughts/opinions and make me feel like i am not alone
so yeah, this is the way i have been feeling
hope you are all having a good week so far
i have been thankful for this spring like weather the last few days
the sunshine and the warmer temperatures have been much needed
her big blues
morning after a sleepover
waiting to spend a morning at the nature center
delicious casablanca lilies
dinner prepping and portuguese ipad lessons
new pretties in the shop
sunshine and puzzles on a saturday morning
a saturday family outing. omg baby goats
favorite ipad activity at the moment gonoodle
and this guy too
a sunday family outing