around here

February 27 2016. 001 (1)

i have no idea how to begin this post other than to just go right ahead and write about how i have been feeling in an organized, random manner

ready?

i feel like everybody is fucking dying

ever since we moved here in october, there have been so many deaths around us

soon after we got here, Will’s mom’s sister passed away

soon after that, the newly widowed uncle’s brother passed away

influential and well loved rockstars passed away

Will’s father’s sister passed away

and then last week, on my way home from running errands, i couldn’t even drive through our street because it was filled with ambulances and police cars

a neighbor passed away

is this it?

am i at the age where this is the norm?

this other part of life?

death?

it’s fucking depressing and bringing me down

death and the fact that maybe i have been the one who has had the hardest time adjusting to our move

i was mostly worried about Will and Lily but maybe i should have been a little worried about myself?

i miss my people

sure our new neighbors here are wonderful and we are super lucky to have landed in a great neighborhood but, where are my people?

where are the people that have known me for a long time?

where are the people that take away the mundane every day feeling of motherhood and wifehood?

i feel like all the fun is long gone and lost

and it makes me feel old

the oldest i have felt ever

and lonely

with new to me skin and stomach issues, i too feel like i’m fucking dying

all the time

all the time i think i’m fucking dying

and there are no distractions from it

everyday just the same thing

over and over again

only to be repeated again the next day

and the next week

i miss cocktails shared with loved ones and laughter

i miss laughter

this is the most honest post i have written in a long time

i usually try to keep this space less personal and more positive but i just had to keep it really real today

and it’s when i do, that some of you who are usually quiet viewers on here, voice your own personal thoughts/opinions and make me feel like i am not alone

so yeah, this is the way i have been feeling

hope you are all having a good week so far

i have been thankful for this spring like weather the last few days

the sunshine and the warmer temperatures have been much needed

February 18 2016. 001 (36)

her big blues

February 18 2016. 001 (44)

sunny walks

February 21 2016. 001 (3)

hi

February 21 2016. 001 (4)

morning after a sleepover

February 22 2016. 001 (1)

waiting to spend a morning at the nature center

February 22 2016. 001 (103)

sincere happiness

February 23 2016. 001 (1)

delicious casablanca lilies

February 23 2016. 001 (11)

dinner prepping and portuguese ipad lessons

February 23 2016. 001 (4) February 23 2016. 001 (12)February 23 2016. 001 (18)

new pretties in the shop

February 27 2016. 001 (24)

sunshine and puzzles on a saturday morning

February 27 2016. 001 (25) February 27 2016. 001 (14) February 27 2016. 001 (18)February 27 2016. 001 (28) February 27 2016. 001 (42)

a saturday family outing. omg baby goats

February 27 2016. 001 (68)

favorite ipad activity at the moment gonoodle

February 27 2016. 001 (71)February 28 2016. 001 (104)

this guy

February 28 2016. 001 (107)

and this guy too

February 28 2016. 001 (46)

a sunday family outing

February 28 2016. 001 (76)

a hike