around here

before twenty sixteen ended, i made it a point to line up some doctors appointments for this new year

i finally got some referrals for female doctors which i always prefer and am more comfortable with

i went to my yearly check-up appointment and everything checked out well

all blood work came out healthy and i got a referral to a mammogram clinic for my second mammogram ever (i was bad and skipped two years since my first)

a week later i went to my gynecologist appointment

again everything turned out healthy

that same day i got a mammogram and was told that it would take a week to ten days for results

last tuesday i got the call we all dread

the mammogram clinic called me asking me to come back friday because they had found a mass in my left breast that they wanted to do more testing on

the world crashed around me as i tried to finish the phone conversation with the nurse who could tell me no more

or no less

cancer. cancer. cancer. cancer. cancer….

over and over in my head

i’m dying. i’m dying. i’m dying. i’m dying….

over and over in my head

for four days over and over in my head no matter how positive i tried to be, my mind and cancer fucked with me

finally friday came and in i went again for further testing

3-d testing this time so they could see the mass better

i don’t even know how to describe the whole experience until there was a final result

emotionally exhausting i guess best describes it

as i tried to think positive, i also thought of the worst case scenario and of all the loved ones around me

within a few minutes of doing the 3-d testing, i went in to talk to the doctor who had my results and was comparing them to the results from late twenty fourteen

cancer. cancer. cancer. cancer….

i’m dying. i’m dying. i’m dying. i’m dying….

over and over in my head as i sat next to the doctor

finally he said that friday’s tests compared evenly to the old tests and there was no trace of any mass

i was clear

free to go

“see you next year”

i walked outside and i cried

thankful doesn’t even begin to explain how i feel

have a happy and healthy weekend friends!

been doing a lot of little things to our kitchen. slowly coming along

magic animal friends chapter books

funny goat mornings

the mantel got a little make over the other day too. it no longer looks like this

sewing projects

i’ve been painting again

i’ve also been soaking lots of orchids

she kicked ass at school last week. she was star student three or four times

#childhoodmagic

silly no snow “snow days” home from school

shine bright like a diamond. that top right tooth is now gone