home

in a way this new yellow castle home is more us than any home we have had before

 

it’s certainly more us than the blue house

and although we did a lot of work to the inside of the brick house, the outside was never really us

oddly enough, this yellow bungalow style home has a little bit from every home we have lived in

the claw foot tub in the bathroom and the one level layout resemble our first yellow house in miami

it’s outdated kitchen reminds me of the kitchen in our red house

the fire place and built in bookshelves in the living room are identical to the ones in the living room in the brick house

and all the windows remind me of all the windows in the blue house

this is also the smaller home we have had in a while (resembling our first yellow home more than the others)

trying to buy the brick house was a struggle from the very beginning

all the signs were there but we were persistent and didn’t want to listen to what the universe was throwing at us

and without getting into it too much, Will knew better than i that we couldn’t own the house however he was hopeful and tried to make it work

had i known what he knew (and what he kept from me), i would have been able to make smarter and more rational decisions regarding that house

the (almost) one year that we spent in the brick house was one of the hardest ones we have had

it almost broke us

we lost a lot when we made the decision to let it all go

we put a lot into that house

money, work, emotions…

it all felt worth it because in the end it was going to be ours

that was our dream/goal

to own a home

to be perfectly honest though, being in the brick house and have ownership responsibilities brought on a feeling of “stuck” depression for me

i don’t know what it was but all of the sudden i felt like i was stuck there for the rest of my life and i wasn’t sure if that is what i wanted

actually, i knew that it was not what i wanted

i would sit in the art/green room and think “is this it? is this really it?”

“is this the view that i will be looking out on for the rest of my life?”

those thoughts and feelings were terrifying to me

because being in that house forever meant that being close to the ocean again one day was out of the picture forever

now here we are in a rental and that “stuck” feeling is gone

and although we don’t have plans to go anywhere, if we wanted to, we could

and the freedom to feel that is priceless

happy friday friends!

our bedroom

the living room

the dining room

the kitchen. i struggle with this ugly kitchen so much

Lily’s bedroom. she likes the wall color. i don’t