Last night was my first night out since I gave birth to Lily. She is now a little over 3 months old.
The plan was for all 3 of us to got out to dinner for our dear friend Michael’s birthday. However, dinner was set for 8pm and that is Lily’s bed time.
Will and I talked about having Lily take a little nap before 8pm so we could all go but as 7pm approached, Lily had not taken a nap and was pretty cranky.
So, Will suggested for me to go by myself. WHAT!? The suggestion sounded foreign to me. I have not been apart from Lily since I gave birth to her. I’m still only breast feeding so Lily goes where my breasts, I mean, I go. Will knew that I needed this, that I’ve been a little postpartum let’s say. (Identity Crisis)
Thoughts started running through my head. Do I know how to be by myself? What should I wear? Do I know how to dress?
All of the sudden I could wear something that I didn’t have to breast feed in. YAY! I’ve been wanting to wear tights, boots and one of my shift dresses for a while. It was cool enough last night so the decision on what to wear was not so difficult.
I got half dressed while Will put pajamas on Lily and then I breast fed her.
Lily usually falls asleep 15 minutes into the feeding. Of course NOT last night! It was like she knew something was going on. I breast fed her on one breast, I breast fed her on the other and she was still up.
She kept looking at me very attentively while I got dressed probably thinking that she was coming out as well. And why wouldn’t she? She usually does.
As I finished getting ready, Will had her in his arms as she was falling asleep. I kissed them goodnight and headed out the door. Mixed emotions were going through me. I felt guilty, I felt excited.
While in the elevator, I felt like I had left the house missing something. I had no baby, no stroller, no baby Bjorn, no diaper bag, something was missing.
A moment of anxiety came over me. Can I do this? Can I be by myself? Can I go out by myself?
I met Kristin downstairs (she lives in the building next to ours) and for a brief moment it felt like old times. The two of us, single girls heading out for a night out in town. Except these were new times. My husband (new) and my baby (new) were upstairs at home. 🙂
While walking with Kristin to meet the rest of the gang for dinner, I started feeling more and more at ease about being by myself. Then I felt guilty about feeling liberated. LOL
Dinner with friends was wonderful and a much needed “Claudia” time but to come home to my husband Will and baby Lily was priceless.
P.S.- I actually ended up forgetting something. My wallet. It was in the diaper bag.
Here we are at dinner last night. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHAEL!! (from left, Eddie, Michael, me, Darren and Kristin)