Lil Muse Lily

A little place inspired.

letter from a mother to a daughter

“My dear girl, the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through. If when we talk, I repeat the same thing a thousand times, don’t interrupt to say: “You said the same thing a minute ago”… Just listen, please. Try to remember the times when you were little and I would read the same story night after night until you would fall asleep. When I don’t want to take a bath, don’t be mad and don’t embarrass me. Remember when I had to run after you making excuses and trying to get you to take a shower when you were just a girl? When you see how ignorant I am when it comes to new technology, give me the time to learn and don’t look at me that way… remember, honey, I patiently taught you how to do many things like eating appropriately, getting dressed, combing your hair and dealing with life’s issues every day… the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through. If I occasionally lose track of what we’re talking about, give me the time to remember, and if I can’t, don’t be nervous, impatient or arrogant. Just know in your heart that the most important thing for me is to be with you. And when my old, tired legs don’t let me move as quickly as before, give me your hand the same way that I offered mine to you when you first walked. When those days come, don’t feel sad… just be with me, and understand me while I get to the end of my life with love. I’ll cherish and thank you for the gift of time and joy we shared. With a big smile and the huge love I’ve always had for you, I just want to say, I love you… my darling daughter. “

in honor of mother’s day tomorrow i decided to share with you this letter that was passed around on fb

it’s a good reminder that one day we will need the same love, compassion, patience and support we once did when we were little

i hope Lily will be there for me like i am here for her

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my dearest Lily,

sometimes my head goes where it shouldn’t go

and i start thinking about the fact that even though i don’t really feel it, i’m an older mom

i’m almost forty you know

and you are not even three

and then i start thinking that by the time you get out of high school, i will be almost sixty (hold me back, heart attack)

and if you don’t have children until you are in your thirties, i might not even meet your children

and that just makes me want to break down and cry

because i want to meet your children

because i have no doubt that if one day you choose to be a mom, you will be the best mom

and i want to see you as a mom

but maybe i won’t have a chance to

and that just about crushes me like nothing else in the world

and you don’t have a sibling

yet

and i feel like you should have one

cause what if something happens to pai and i in our seventies and you are left all alone in your thirties?

that’s awful young

and then before i let my head get really crazy out there, i have to bring it back

and make it see that we are here

and i am only thirty nine

and you are only two and a half

and i love you like noone i have ever loved before in my life

and i have to just breath and take everything one moment at a time

otherwise i will go crazy and not be able to go on

i love you

let’s take it slow,

your mommy

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My dearest Lily,

you just pooped in the tub

again.

it’s the third time now

maybe even the fourth

before you got in the tub, i sat you on the potty and asked you to do chi-chi and poopoo

you sat there for a while

when you were done you called me

you didn’t do anything in the potty

before you got in the tub, i reminded you to not poop in the tub and to call me if you needed to use the potty again

10 minutes after being in the tub, you called me

there you stood in the tub with poop floating around you

disgusting

gross

my least favorite part of motherhood so far

i don’t get it

you are so smart, you get things

i don’t understand why this is not registering

you have used the potty many times before

i hope you figure this out soon

i hope we can work it out

so, i’m thinking no more baths for a while

i’m sorry

i just can’t stand poop in the tub

i still love you though,

your mommy

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My dearest Lily,

Today is the last day that you will be 1 year old.

By the time you wake tomorrow, you will be 2.

This of course is all bitter sweet to me.

I get sad (naturally) about the fact that time is going by too fast and happy to see what the future years will bring.

This past year you have mastered walking, running and talking amongst so many other things.

You are no longer a baby and you are one of the sweetest and brightest girls I have ever met and I could have never wished you to be as wonderful as you are.

Pai and I love you so much!

Happy last day as a 1 year old my little ratinha sunshine girl.

Love you,

mommy

 

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My dearest Lily,

Yesterday was an emotionally hard day. For everyone, including you.

Your sadness did not go unnoticed.

After I packed up the house toys in the duffel bag that they came in, you quietly went back to them, unzipped the bag and by yourself played with the toys one last time as if to say good bye to every each one.

When I went to change your diaper, quiet tears came running down your face and you wanted to be held. As I tried hard to fight back my own tears (unsuccessfully might I add), I tried to comfort your sadness.

It is not easy to have to leave family behind. Especially after having been together for a while like we just were.

I know that you will terribly miss your Hayes (avo Hayes), your avo (avo Joao), your Sasa (tia Sarah), your daddy (tio Jud) and your dear Adaide (cousin Adelaide).

But know this my dearest Lily, not only will we soon be with family in Portugal but, we will soon be home and D, K and all of our other friends will soon help to fill in that void.

I love you my dear sensitive child,

mommy.

all together. september 2011

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Dear Elmo,

You are looking very well loved lately.

Lily loves you more than any other toy or book she owns.

She hugs you, kisses you, feeds you, changes your diaper, checks your fever, reads to you, sleeps with you, takes you to the park and for walks sometimes, she makes you tea in her mini kitchen…

She LOVES you!

And because of all this loving, you are now a bit dirty and shall I say it? Smelly.

You are due for a good washing and I don’t know how to do it, I can’t just stick you in the washing machine or the sink….

It’s going to be a bit tricky but don’t you worry Elmo, I will figure something out.

And if not, Lily will continue to love you just the same.

If not more.

Thank you for being such a good friend to our Lily,

Lily’s mommy

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My dearest Lily,

I know you don’t believe me when I tell you but, soon you will be a big kid too, I promise.

This morning we went to Flamingo Park and you were in heaven.

There were big girls and big boys all around you, no one was smaller than you.

You don’t care much for babies (I don’t blame you, they don’t really do anything) but you are fascinated by big kids.

Big kids can do all the things you long to do. They get to run fast, jump, climb, talk, swing on their own…

As I tried hard to fight back tears while you tried hard to keep up with the big kids, a big smile came over my face.

Don’t we all want to be big when we are small?

I know I did.

Take your time ratinha, you will soon be a big kid.

Love you,

mommy

you don’t really care for kids in masks. now you see him, then you don’t

checking out and waving to the big kids

a new move for you

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In the dark

In the dark I removed her from her stroller and into her crib.

In the dark I took off her dress and bloomers.

In the dark I changed her diaper.

In the dark I undid her braids and took off her hair clip.

In the dark I put on her pajamas.

In the dark I kissed her good night and told her I loved her.

In the dark she stayed sleeping all through the night.

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My dearest Lily,

You are 20 months today, exactly 4 months away from turning 2 years old.

I can’t believe how fast time is flying and that you will be 2 years old in such little time.

You are quite the little person these days, your personality and the person you are (and will be) is full on here.

You are smart, you are funny, you are independent but like to stay close, you are determined, you are stubborn.

Books are still your favorites however, lately you have been quite the artsy girl.

You love your new washable markers as well as my color pencils.

Painting time lately is initiated by you. You go get the painting apron, the containers, the brushes and then you yell out “mommy!”

I love that you have been initiating painting time, it shows me that you really do enjoy it.

Potty training is close I tell you.

This past week, every time you poop in your diaper, you go get a diaper and wipes and then you come get me to change you. Thank you for not attempting to change your own diaper.

You say new words both in English and in Portuguese every day.

Yesterday while looking at your dinosaur book, you said “big” and “bad” and while playing with your stuffed animals you said “sapo” (frog in Portuguese) and Nat (the frog’s name).

Your favorite thing to say is “e meu!” (it’s mine in Portuguese). You say this pretty much for everything lol. If someone tries to take something you are holding, you say “e meu!”. If we touch your arm, leg, hand, foot, whatever, and you don’t want us to, you say “e meu!”. If we are in your personal space and you don’t want us there, you say “e meu!”.

While out and about you are still the serious Lily you have always been however, your pai and I know you better than that.

We love you ratinha, happy 20 months.

Love,

mama

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My dearest Lily,

Ever since pai bought you your water wings, you have gained such confidence in the water.

I am happy to tell you that you are now a floater.

Yes! You float and you do it all by yourself.

Floating is something that both pai and I have tried to make you do when in the water but ever since you were a baby, it has been something that you have hated and not been comfortable with.

I think floating and being on your back like that made you feel like you were losing control and I believe you are a bit of a control freak. (jeez, I wonder where you get that from…)

We have been spending the mornings at the beach and the afternoons at the pool and when you are in the water now, you comfortably switch from your stomach to your back.

It’s good to see you relaxed. (not fully though, don’t think I didn’t notice your clenched fist) ;)

I love you,

mama

 

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