tomorrow i will be flying up to nyc

and i’m excited

Connie is giving me the vip treatment by sending a car to pick me up at newark airport

and i’m excited

and nervous

and nervous…

as i was falling asleep last night i started getting panic attacks

about flying


i hate fllying

and even though i know that Lily will be ok because duh she will be with Will, this will be the first time that i will really be away from her

the longest we have been without each other was overnight

and that has only happened twice

so it will be great and totally weird all at the same time

this will be my first trip by myself in four years

i’m never by myself


so i’m excited

and nervous

and excited

and nervous….

panic attack

new york, new york

happy monday everyone!

it is another rainy day here in miami

seriously, it has not stopped raining since saturday night and… i’m loving it (cause i don’t have to go anywhere, if i did, i wouldn’t)

so new york


it’s happening on thursday and i’m super excited!!

i cannot wait to see our dear friends get married

i cannot wait to see some dear friends i have not seen in a really long time

i cannot wait to have sleepovers at one of my bestie’s new nyc place

i cannot wait to just stand in the street and feel the energy of the city!!!!

sure i’m nervous and anxious about flying (cause i always am and always ALWAYS think i’m going to die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) but, i’m trying to not focus on that (DIE!!!!) and just be excited

so, i’m excited!!!!


ps- i would also like to just give a heads up to my friends who read this blog that this will be a very short trip and therefore i will not be making any trips out to nj or try to get together with anyone cause there will be no time. but i love you all and will try to make it there for that another time

Nine hours and twenty minutes

The title of this post is how long of a flight it was from Lisboa to Miami.

Since Lily woke up this morning at 5:30am Miami time (9:30am Portugal time) and I’m having a very strong cup of coffee already, I would like to talk about a few things.

Let me start with flying.

I hate it.

I hate flying! Even though I have gotten better with age, putting me on a plane is one of the worst things you can do to me.

I usually cannot sleep the night before I’m about to fly from nerves and anxiety, my palms get all clammy during the flight (forget it if there is turbulence), once I did not get on a flight because I had a bad feeling about it. I literally think I’m going to die every time I get on a plane.

Then you add a child on to all of that and well, it makes things a little trickier.

Because of Lily, I have to try to calm and compose myself. I cannot show that I’m scared because I know she will feel it and then it will rub off on her.

We had one hour of really bad turbulence on our flight last night and while I almost ripped the arm rest with my right hand from fear and nerves, I very lightly and calmly held onto Lily’s hand with my left hand.

As I sat in my seat and thought we were going to die, I smiled at Lily and told her everything was going to be ok.

I usually try to knock myself out during a flight because hey, if I sleep not only will time go by faster but, I’m not awake during anything.

Lily is not the best plane sleeper, she probably slept a total of 4 hours during our flight yesterday. So, if she doesn’t sleep, I don’t sleep. And even when she sleeps, I don’t sleep because I’m afraid she will roll off the seat (because it happened before).

Flying was not easy for me before Lily and it hasn’t become any easier with Lily but it won’t stop me from traveling.

So maybe she will cry on the flight. Maybe she will cry the whole flight (most doubtful). Maybe she won’t sleep during the whole flight (most probable). That won’t stop us from going places.

It’s not only hard flying but it’s always hard adjusting to a destination.

I have lately felt guilty and like a momster dragging Lily around places I want her to be, get her to get used to family, friends and new places and once she starts getting used to things and people, it’s time for us to go.

But hey, that’s the way things go, right?

If I fear things too much and I don’t expose her to things, not only will she not get to know her family and new places but I will teach her fear.

And teaching her fear of traveling and knowing new places would be basically criminal.

So, even though traveling is not easy by any means, I will not stop doing it. 🙂

Thank you all for listening to my early coffee ramble. We are home and it feels so good. I’m having coffee in my coffee mug, sitting in bed while listening to Will and Lily playing in her room. Seems like we never left.

Have a great weekend everyone!

mama eagle and baby eagle have landed!