life

Daylight savings

as i’ve gotten older, i cannot tell you how much i have grown to dislike daylight savings

i felt like i was robbed of an hour all day long yesterday

we woke up at 8:30 (the new 7:30) and i felt like i had no morning

i felt like i was constantly chasing time

the hour difference messes with my mind and my routine

the picture you see above of Lily’s room is exactly how i felt yesterday

frazzled, anxious…

it probably didn’t help that our new coffee roast was too strong and gave me the jitters for most of the day

how do you feel about daylight savings?

Lately

i have realized that it’s ok if Lily doesn’t go to the park e-ve-ry day

and it’s ok if she doesn’t play with other kids e-ve-ry day

and it’s ok if she watches sesame street some mornings

and it’s ok for her to play in her room by herself

so i can do things like paint and make jewelry

because it’s not ALL about Lily

it’s about me too

and she has to fit in my life like i have fit in hers

Baby talk

not too long ago (like 2 months) i wasn’t sure if i wanted to have another baby

i wasn’t sure if i could ever (ever) love another like i love Lily

i wasn’t sure if i wanted to lose myself again after i just got myself back

i wasn’t sure if i could be a good mother to two since sometimes i feel like i’m not even being a good mother to one

then for the past two weeks my body was acting all funny

signs of pms but times 100

i thought, maybe?

could i be?

and the feeling of excitement over the possibility of being pregnant returned

the picture you see above is from this morning

i’m not pregnant

but when i went to bed last night and when i woke up this morning i wanted to be

and that just shows me that i can love another like i love Lily

and it shows me that i am ready and have changed my mind

and that makes me happy

(coincidentally, today, three years ago was when we found out we were pregnant with Lily)