as i’ve gotten older, i cannot tell you how much i have grown to dislike daylight savings
i felt like i was robbed of an hour all day long yesterday
we woke up at 8:30 (the new 7:30) and i felt like i had no morning
i felt like i was constantly chasing time
the hour difference messes with my mind and my routine
the picture you see above of Lily’s room is exactly how i felt yesterday
it probably didn’t help that our new coffee roast was too strong and gave me the jitters for most of the day
how do you feel about daylight savings?
i have realized that it’s ok if Lily doesn’t go to the park e-ve-ry day
and it’s ok if she doesn’t play with other kids e-ve-ry day
and it’s ok if she watches sesame street some mornings
and it’s ok for her to play in her room by herself
so i can do things like paint and make jewelry
because it’s not ALL about Lily
it’s about me too
and she has to fit in my life like i have fit in hers
not too long ago (like 2 months) i wasn’t sure if i wanted to have another baby
i wasn’t sure if i could ever (ever) love another like i love Lily
i wasn’t sure if i wanted to lose myself again after i just got myself back
i wasn’t sure if i could be a good mother to two since sometimes i feel like i’m not even being a good mother to one
then for the past two weeks my body was acting all funny
signs of pms but times 100
i thought, maybe?
could i be?
and the feeling of excitement over the possibility of being pregnant returned
the picture you see above is from this morning
i’m not pregnant
but when i went to bed last night and when i woke up this morning i wanted to be
and that just shows me that i can love another like i love Lily
and it shows me that i am ready and have changed my mind
and that makes me happy
(coincidentally, today, three years ago was when we found out we were pregnant with Lily)
While Lily took a long nap yesterday, I thought about how miraculous life is.
I mean, it REALLY is!!
I think we are often so caught up in every day life that we forget to think about and appreciate things.
Months before I got pregnant with Lily, I had a miscarriage.
Then, on March 02 2009, a day after Will proposed to me, I found out I was pregnant! 🙂
To go from nothing, to a little fetus, to a bigger fetus, to a baby…
Life… it is such a miracle!
March 02 2009
Lately I have been feeling very overwhelmed.
Overwhelmed by how long it has been since I have seen my family.
Overwhelmed with trying to buy tickets to Portugal and when to go.
Overwhelmed by how fast Lily is growing and how big she is. (can’t believe she is almost 10 months old!)
Overwhelmed by how hot it is. (summers in Miami kill me)
Overwhelmed by how unmotivated I am lately. (I think it’s the heat, it makes me lethargic)
Overwhelmed by how long it has been since I have painted. (afraid I don’t even know how to anymore…)
Overwhelmed with trying to make a decision about moving. Do we stay in Miami or do we go somewhere else? (the heat plays a huge factor)
Overwhelmed by the loss of a friend.
Overwhelmed by the birth of another. (isn’t it ironic how that works…)
Overwhelmed by life…
(Please vote by clicking here. Thank you.)
Yesterday was a sad day.
We lost a friend yesterday.
Darnell was bigger than life!
His smile, his laugh, his sense of humor, his love for food, his love for people, his love for fashion, his love for life…
We all lost him too soon.
He will be missed by many but I know that wherever he is, Darnell is shining down on us with the biggest smile.
Rest in peace Darnell.
Darnell. August 23 2009. (exactly 1 year from today)
Darnell, me and Nilsa