Mine, not Lily’s.
Yesterday I had a total identity crisis meltdown. Or at least I think that’s what it was.
Becoming a stay at home mom is a bit harder than I thought. Not because of the house work or having to spend my whole day with Lily (because I wouldn’t want it any other way) but, because my daily routine is no longer what it used to be. It is no longer just about me. HELLO! Wake up call.
Also, not going back to work and becoming financially dependent on Will freaks me out! Of course Will and I discussed all of this before and while I was pregnant but, it is easier said than done. Although I always budgeted and never spent more than I could afford, I always still shopped and bought myself whatever I pretty much wanted.
This is something that for a while will not happen.
And what I want to buy and wear, I can’t anyway. Breast feeding is wonderful and the best thing for babies however, it limits a wardrobe. I always have to have something that has easy breast access.
I used to take time and pride in the way I looked, even while pregnant but, now my daily uniform is a pair of jeans, a tank top (so there is no stomach showing when I breast feed) and some sort of top over that so the breast is not fully exposed while feeding.
So long are the shift dresses, pretty blouses. So long is the Claudia that used to take pride in the way she looked. Now, I take pride in the way Lily looks. It’s easier.
This makes me feel at times like my identity has been lost. Am I Claudia who is Lily’s mom or am I Lily’s mom who used to be Claudia?
All this plus a huge shift in hormones has amounted to some crying spells and like I said, to some identity crisis melt downs.
I just have to remember that she won’t be a little baby forever (i need to cherish every moment), to take it a day at a time and things will eventually get easier.