It was so beautiful out today that I decided to grab Lily and the stroller and head down to Zara to check out their Spring collection.
Zara is about a good 30 minutes away by foot, fast foot that is. Lily fell asleep half way through which was good because sometimes she can get a little fussy in the stroller. She seems to prefer the Baby Bjorn these days but she’s getting too heavy and the destination was too far today.
After scanning Zara and having grabbed a few items to take in the fitting room, I thought “Where are ALL the Spring colors? Where is the yellow, pink, orange, green?”. Everything in there was so muted which is fine but my mood has been muted, I wanted/needed a pick-me-up.
Once in the fitting room with a now awake Lily, I noticed that she was not only awake but she also had a dirty diaper.
Thankfully, we were in a BIG fitting room that had a big bench where I changed Lily. It stunk up the whole place but there was nobody else back there. lol
Ok, with her diaper changed, I placed her back in the stroller and started to try on some clothing.
Nothing was looking right. The shirts were too tight because my breasts are HUGE and proceed to get bigger every week, the pants…my butt isn’t ready for those yet, the cardigans didn’t do anything. Ugh!
So there I was in the fitting room not feeling so great when Lily started to get fussy. She was hungry. I thought to myself: “Now I’m going to have to breast feed her in here too.”
I handed the unwanted items (all of them with the exception of a dress) to the sales clerk and asked him if he minded that I stay a bit longer because I had to breast feed. He was so nice, he didn’t mind.
I ended up purchasing the dress. It’s an over the head dress so I probably won’t even be able to wear it for a while because I can’t breast feed in it but, oh well.
Conclusion: shopping for me with Lily by myself is not so much fun. Not yet anyway.
Today’s “Must have of the day” is for mommy, not Lily.
Since I have been getting back on track as far as taking care of myself and wanting to feel like “Claudia” again, it is only fair that a new haircut and new lipstick deserves a new dress! And so do I. I have not bought myself a dress since my 3rd month of pregnancy.
This ruffled Carly dress by J.Crew is exactly what I have been looking for. It’s short but not too short. it can either be dressed down or dressed up (where am I going? lol) and it has buttons in the front so I can still breast feed. Most importantly, it looks nothing like a “pregnant” dress.
It had been a while since I wore lipstick. Had been wearing glosses for a while but since Lily had been born, I hadn’t used anything other than lip balm. I mean, how could I constantly kiss Lily with stuff on my lips?
We ended up at the Benefit counter which had pretty colors but not too many so it wasn’t too overwhelming. I tried a few while Lily was busy looking in the mirror (she smiles at herself).
After doing much research on diaper bags while still pregnant with Lily, my co-worker Valerie mentioned to me how much she loved her Skip Hop diaper bag even after having it for 3 years.
Will and I checked into it and we liked what we saw, so we ordered one.
We ordered the Duo Double in the uptown stripe print at first and once it arrived, I tried it on and felt like I was going on a weekend getaway. It was far too BIG but we LOVED the print and quality!
We returned the Duo Double with no problem and got the smaller size (I should have listened to Will from the beginning ;)), the Duo in the same uptown stripe print.
We LOVE it!!
It is roomy enough inside, we always carry a blanket, a change of clothes, 4 diapers, at least 1 toy and has plenty of pockets outside for my cell phone, camera, wallet, water bottle (I don’t really carry a handbag anymore).
What we LOVE most about it is its new feature. Skip Hop added 2 small straps inside the top of the bag so it clicks close to the stroller handle. LOVE it!!!
We also got the swipe wipe case and that works great as well. And it kind of matches. 😉
Yesterday I had to write about postpartum because I was feeling it really bad however, yesterday’s post should have been about how exactly a year ago yesterday, we found out we were pregnant.
Exactly a day after Will proposed to me, I took a pregnancy test and…..PREGNANT! It was one of the happiest moments, specially after a very sad miscarriage on Christmas day, December 25 of 2008.
Here we are exactly 1 year later, married (HOORAY!) and with a healthy baby Lily (tears of happiness).
It hasn’t exactly been a smooth journey but, compared to some others, we have been very fortunate.
I had a wonderful pregnancy. Wasn’t sick once. Worked until 1 week before my due date. Was active the whole 9 months, walking, swimming (one of the perks of living in South Beach), riding my bike Sally.
We had an amazing birthing experience. All natural! It was just Will, me, our wonderful midwife Mary, Mary’s assistant, my mom and Will’s mom.
We entered the birthing center at 10:30pm on November 06 2009 and Lily was born at 2:37am on November 07 2009. I couldn’t have asked for an easier birth.
It is now March, almost 4 months after Lily being born and all pregnancy traces are almost all gone.
The linea negra, just a very faint line below my belly button. The pregnancy weight, just a few more pounds to shed. The gorgeous, healthy and full pregnancy hair is gone and as of yesterday…cut.
Everything, light postpartum aside, is slowly going back to normal.
In honor of everything that happened within the last year, here are some pictures of how things occurred. Starting with a very romantic engagement.
Let me start off by saying that I am not afraid of saying the word postpartum and hate the fact that most people look at it and excuse it in an awful way like P.M.S.
According to the wikipedia the exact definition of postpartum is: Postpartum depression (PPD), also called postnatal depression, is a form of clinical depression which can affect women, and less frequently men, after childbirth. Studies report prevalence rates among women from 5% to 25%, but methodological differences among the studies make the actual prevalence rate unclear. Among men, in particular new fathers, the incidence of postpartum depression has been estimated to be between 1.2% and 25.5%. Postpartum depression occurs in women after they have carried a child, usually in the first few months. Symptoms include sadness, fatigue, insomnia, appetite changes, reduced libido, crying episodes, anxiety, and irritability. Current data suggests that 5 to 9 percent of women will develop postpartum depression, but less than one in five of these women will seek professional help. It is sometimes assumed that postpartum depression is caused by a lack of vitamins , but studies tend to show that more likely causes are the significant changes in a woman’s hormones during pregnancy. On the other hand, hormonal treatment has not helped postpartum depression victims. Many women recover because of a support group or counseling.
That said, it’s perfectly normal to go through what I’m going through. Right? Let’s go through the check off list.
Sadness. It’s light but I’ve had my moments. So, CHECK.
Fatigue. I’m not getting enough sleep because Lily wakes up 3-5 times during the night. CHECK.
Insomnia. Sometimes (like last night) at night after a feeding, I can’t fall back asleep and I just lie there crying because of how tired I am. CHECK.
Appetite changes. I think I eat more now than I did when I was pregnant. I tend to go towards food when I’m depressed. CHECK.
Reduced libido. Yup. No interest in sex whatsoever. CHECK.
Crying episodes. I don’t get enough sleep, I’m tired, I hardly get any time for myself. They’ve happened. CHECK.
Anxiety. Not so much.
Irritability. Again, doesn’t lack of sleep and rest cause irritability? CHECK.
It shouldn’t be so alarming for a mom to say she is going through postpartum. After all, in a way, it seems like the normal thing to go through after giving birth. I mean, how could we not?
Just like everything, there are however different levels of postpartum and different ways people deal with it.
This is the way I’m dealing with mine. To write about it here, recognize it and to just deal with it. It’s not like I hate my life or Lily. I am a very fortunate person and have a wonderful life, husband and baby. And, for the most part, I am a happy person. However, things did change very fast as well as did the hormones.
Sometimes I think that maybe I wasn’t yet ready for motherhood because I feel selfish wanting “me” time. But is it selfish to want to be healthy, well rested and to look good and well taken care of as I did before?
How does that saying go? “A happy mother is a happy baby”?
Then I look at Lily and I can’t imagine my life without her. (tears) I love her. And I love Will. I just don’t love myself the way I used to and that makes me feel like I am not loving them as much as I could. It’s hard to love someone if you don’t love yourself.
Everything has been so rewarding lately so how can I feel so…so…old and tired? I feel so old and tired.
At the end of it all, there are worst days and there are better days and just like everything, this too will pass.
In honor of feeling better and normal or better yet, better than normal, I went to get my hair cut today. So here’s to the positive side of things! 😉
Me with my new haircut and Lily wearing a t-shirt, pants and shoes by babyGap and bodysuit by Old Navy.